Gu Ji felt like a stone was pressing on his heart, making him too stifled to speak. His gaze toward Chen Songyan grew more complicated, filled with unspoken emotions.
Chen Songyan uttered his final words.
“Lastly, I don’t trust the others much, so take good care of him.”
Chen Songyan waved at Gu Ji while walking away, and Gu Ji lowered his head to light another cigarette.
That evening when he got home, although Xu Jiu had written thousands of words of self-criticism that day, he was still very happy. For some reason, he always felt happy whenever he went out with Chen Songyan ^_^.
But he couldn’t always rely on Chen Songyan to take him out. He opened his phone and bookmarked many attractions, planning to take Chen Songyan to visit them.
After washing up, Xu Jiu wasn’t sure if it was his imagination, but he heard Chen Songyan’s thoughts from the second floor!
Chen Songyan: [I love you. See you later.]
He could only hear thoughts when Chen Songyan was nearby. Could Chen Songyan be somewhere near his house?
Xu Jiu opened his window, drying his hair with a towel as he glanced downstairs. Under the shade of the trees by the roadside, a black Bentley was parked. The car was dark, with no lights on, and it seemed empty. Xu Jiu lived in a wealthy neighborhood, so luxury cars were a common sight.
Soon after, Xu Jiu lay in bed playing games, believing tomorrow would be another day with Chen Songyan.
It must have been a hallucination. How could Chen Songyan appear nearby so late?
Inside the pitch-dark Bentley:
“Are we good?”
“Yes, let’s go.”
The next day, Chen Songyan didn’t come to school.
The third day, Chen Songyan didn’t come to school.
The fourth day…
Xu Jiu experienced this unfamiliar emotion for the first time. He felt constantly agitated and couldn’t do anything right. During class, he kept spacing out, his gaze always drifting to that empty seat.
Chen Songyan had such good grades, how could he just stop coming to school, especially with college entrance exams approaching?
On the fifth day, Xu Jiu couldn’t take it anymore. He asked the teachers, who told him Chen Songyan had transferred schools. Xu Jiu wanted to know why, but when he asked the homeroom teacher and grade director, they gave identical answers as if they’d been trained to say them.
“Personal reasons. Student Chen Songyan completed his transfer procedures last month.”
“Personal reasons. Student Chen Songyan completed his transfer procedures last month.”
The grade dean saw Xu Jiu’s dejected expression and, knowing what Chen Songyan had done for him before, seemed to guess something.
So after class, he found Xu Jiu again and added, “Don’t wait for Chen Songyan anymore. You won’t see him. He’s not coming back.”
Xu Jiu froze. He remembered the phone number he had saved and called Chen Songyan, making over ten calls in succession.
Finally, Gu Ji thought Xu Jiu was going crazy and snatched his phone away. Xu Jiu’s eyes were red and bloodshot.
He forced his eyes wide open as if trying not to let the tears fall, his voice becoming increasingly nasal as he kept mumbling, “Why… why…”
Gu Ji and Xu Jiu had grown up like brothers. He’d never seen Xu Jiu like this before. His heart softened considerably, and he almost revealed what Chen Songyan had told him.
The pain Chen Songyan’s departure brought Xu Jiu wasn’t heart-wrenching or gut-wrenching.
He wouldn’t cry hysterically, nor would he go crazy like the male leads in Mary Sue novels after the female lead leaves.
He would just stare at that polaroid from the aquarium in a daze for a long time, then suddenly let two tears fall.
That kind of pain was like a rusty, dull knife repeatedly torturing his organs and body. The wound wasn’t deep or shallow, but it wouldn’t heal, eventually forming an ugly scar.
His youth romance had ended abruptly.
Chen Songyan’s sudden departure was indeed cruel. Gu Ji pointed Xu Jiu in a direction,
“Why don’t you try asking at Chen Songyan’s house?”
During lunch break, Xu Jiu got Chen Songyan’s home address from the teacher and rushed there without eating lunch.
Chen Songyan’s home was in Luoningda Villa, a very beautiful mansion. When Xu Jiu knocked, a butler answered the door. He was a gentle middle-aged man with salt-and-pepper hair who paused for a moment when he saw Xu Jiu.
“Hello, I’m looking for Chen Songyan.”
“Hello, our young master is no longer attending school here.”
“But our young master said you would come, and to give you this letter when you did.”
But actually, Chen Songyan’s exact words were that Xu Jiu might come, and if he did, to give him this letter.
Xu Jiu took the letter. The butler invited him in to sit, but Xu Jiu declined.
Unable to wait, Xu Jiu found a coffee shop, randomly ordered a coffee, and sat in a sunny corner to open Chen Songyan’s letter.
Chen Songyan’s handwriting was as beautiful as ever, and the paper carried a faint cedar scent.
Dear Xu Jiu,
Xiao Jiu, by the time you read this letter, I may have already boarded a flight out of the country, or perhaps started training.
Don’t worry too much about where I’ve gone. Just know that somewhere far away, someone loves you deeply.
For an alpha, pondering the meaning of life might seem premature. But for me, someone who once clung to life like a maggot, it’s a question I’ve had to seriously consider.
My parents passed away when I was very young, before I had even presented as an Alpha. I moved between various relatives’ homes. Being someone else’s child, it was normal that I often went hungry and cold.
Later, I presented as an Alpha. When my foster parents’ child died of a serious illness soon after, I was transferred from the branch family to my main family – my foster parents’ home.
After long-term erosion by inferiority, I didn’t like to talk or interact with people. They tried everything to make me speak, but I still didn’t want to.
I was cowardly, timid, and had nothing to say. I was afraid that speaking would expose my tragic past and background. Their so-called sympathy was just another knife on my spine, only adding to my insecurity.
Later, on others’ advice, they sent me to an Alpha summer camp, hoping I would interact more with peers.
That place wasn’t fun at all. It was hell for me. Everyone around me was an Alpha like me, but they were taller and more confident than me. They talked about things I didn’t understand and had never experienced, while I, despite being an Alpha, felt like an imposter.
That night they asked me to go out with them, but even in my cowardice, I had principles. If rules said we couldn’t go, I definitely wouldn’t.
Sure enough, I angered them. They pinned me down and punched my scent gland repeatedly. It was the most humiliating way to fight. They were attacking my sexual characteristics, my pride, my weakness.
Then an Alpha appeared, like a god descending. He helped me fight off everyone who was bullying me. He knocked out a baby tooth, which I secretly kept in my pocket when no one was looking.
At that time, I felt we were from two different worlds. That baby tooth was the only proof I had of passing through your world. I had to keep it.
I remembered the white camellia scent on you for many years. This year marks the tenth.
Ten years, I spent this decade changing myself to match up to you.
Ten years is too long, yet too fast. I thought we’d never meet again after that parting, but we did meet, and even became desk mates.
Ten years of unrequited love, suddenly becoming a reality.
Xiao Jiu, by now you should know who I like, who I’ve been secretly in love with. This is my tenth year of liking you,
and my tenth year of loving you in secret.
From that desperate night, from the moment you stood in front of me, from when you held me and asked if I was okay, I began to love you.
Heaven has always been unfair to me,
Parents died in a car accident at three, living at others’ mercy.
Sold to the main family as a commodity at five,
Sent to Alpha training camp at eight.
But after meeting you, my perspective changed.
I love your courage, I love your innocence, I love your honesty, I love how you hate evil, I love everything about you, I love you, and I wish for your happiness more than anyone else.
The path I’m taking now was destined from the moment I was sold to the main family. There will surely be chances to meet again in the future. I will love you forever.
…
Lastly, please stop smoking.
Reaching the end, Xu Jiu’s tears fell one by one, bitterness spreading from his throat to his heart. His vision blurred bit by bit, tears smearing the signature on the love letter. He choked out:
“Chen Songyan, they say love is like rain. Love stops like rain stops. My rain has stopped, but what about yours?”
Has your eighteen years of endless rain stopped?
I’ll wait for your rain to stop.
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